Out of the weeds

Everyone remembers their first time smoking weed. For me, it’s a day I will never forget. It was the day I received the devastating news that my mother figure had passed away. She meant the world to me and played a pivotal role in my life. She came into my life when I was 18, pouring so much love and wisdom into me. We would talk on the phone for hours; I would share my secrets with her, and she would confide in me. At that time, my relationship with my birth mother was still strained, making her presence in my life even more significant.

She would discuss everything with me, even her own death, as if she knew it was near. She often spoke of dreams where she arrived at a beautiful, lush place she called paradise. I would say, “Ms. Shelia, stop talking like that—you’re not going anywhere.” But despite her subtle preparation, when the moment finally came, I was an emotional wreck.

At that point in my life, I had no idea how to process my emotions or cope with loss. The man I was dating at the time suggested that I take a hot bath, and he rolled a blunt for me, urging me to relax. I got in the tub, and as I inhaled deeply from the blunt, I remember thinking, “I wonder if I could get addicted to this?” It wasn’t really a question—it felt more like a strange, unspoken desire. I wanted to be addicted to it. Everyone around me was, and they made it seem so appealing.

I was searching for an escape, something to numb the pain and distance me from the life I was living. Naturally, I found exactly what I was looking for. I began smoking occasionally, but that soon escalated into a daily habit. I tried to quit a few times, but after a few weeks or months, I would inevitably find my Self right back in the weeds.

Fast forward to 2024, and I knew it was time to get out of the weeds. My inner voice kept nudging me, signaling that my deadline was approaching. But to be honest, I didn’t realize this deadline was connected to quitting weed.

July 1, 2024

It was an ordinary day, except for the fact that the urge to smoke had vanished. Sure, the thought crossed my mind, but something within me was urging me to reconsider this habit. How much longer would I keep seeking an escape? How could I be so dedicated to caring for my body while still inhaling smoke? I felt it deep inside—I had reached the deadline. I could either continue down this path or start healing from the trauma that led me into the weeds in the first place.

One thing I love about personal growth is transformation—witnessing the Self evolve into something greater than I once was. That prospect excited me more than the idea of returning to the dispensary.

As I write this, it’s been 40 days and 40 nights since I began my journey out of the weeds. Has it been easy? Absolutely not! But I’m doing it, and I’m proud of the progress I’ve made. I haven’t noticed any drastic changes yet, but I do appreciate not smelling like weed. With so many people smoking—over 52 million adults in the U.S. as of 2023, thanks to legalization in many states—I also enjoy being the one who declines the blunt.

Oh, and another significant change I’ve noticed: I’m not consuming nearly as much sugar as I used to, thanks to fewer munchies.

These past 40 days, I’ve been more emotional, more self-critical, and more fatigued. My body, mind, and soul are detoxing, releasing pent-up trauma in the process.

As I emerge from the weeds, I anticipate meeting new people, entering different spaces, engaging in new conversations, and becoming a healthier version of the person who was once so deeply entrenched in the habit.

I don’t want to confuse my readers—I’m not passing judgment on anyone who smokes. I’m simply sharing my experience during that chapter of my life and the deadline Source set for the Self. It’s funny how, at one point, I felt like I couldn’t sleep or start my day without it. Not anymore. I feel kinda free.

I know Ms. Shelia is sitting in that green paradise, cheering me on every day as I remain vigilant and focused on my evolution. Just the thought of her presence is a constant reminder that I am moving toward a better version of my Self.

Breaking out of the weeds has been a challenging journey, but it’s also been extremely rewarding. Every day without weed is a step toward reclaiming my life, my health, and my peace of mind. I’m learning that true freedom doesn’t come from escaping reality but from facing it head-on and growing through the pain.

I hope my story resonates with those who may be struggling with their own dependencies. It’s not about judging the Self or others for the paths we’ve taken, but about recognizing when it’s time to evolve and have the courage to take that first step.

For anyone reading this who feels trapped in their own habits, know that it’s never too late to change. The journey might be tough, but on the other side of it lies a version of your Self that’s stronger, healthier, and more at peace. And that’s a destination worth striving for.

Destination:Freedom

Safe travels..