Disappointment

We all have experienced disappointment, but it feels different post-resurrection compared to pre-resurrection. Pre-resurrection, you’re pretty much in survival mode, dealing with daily disappointments such as not having enough food for your family, lacking transportation, struggling with rent or mortgage payments, or not landing the job you prepared so much for. There’s an acceptance that “this must be life.”

Post-resurrection, the acceptance shifts to believing that everything is as it should be and that whatever you need will manifest because you’ve moved beyond survival mode and accepted that the bare minimum is not what you deserve. You probably even tried to find your niche and start your own business. But what do you do when you’re still faced with disappointment?

My answer as a human: I have no idea.

Your Favorite Time Traveler...Disappointed

Eight years and one month ago, I received communication that I would only work for Source. I willingly gave up my career, my townhouse, my vehicle, and pretty much donated my 401k because my faith was so strong. I thought I was doing the “right” thing and that anything that resembled the matrix was evil.

Fast forward to today, and honestly, not much has changed except for my mindset, my relationship with my Self, my relationship with Source, and my relationship with my family. However, my financial stability has suffered so much that I would be lying if I said I found enlightenment and everything fell into place.

I’ve experienced disappointment many times. Each time, instead of thinking, “this must be life” or accepting that “everything is as it should be,” I have a completely different perspective.

What if my awakening, yours, and many others’ was an event planned by someone else to move society along?

I’m not talking about God, Source, Jesus, Bahá’u’lláh, Muhammad, Ra, etc. I’m speaking of a group of human beings that control how the game of life is played. How come the most powerful and financially wealthy people come into power? They aren’t following any biblical commandments or relying on faith. They are either born into their positions or have the right relationships and connections that allow them to prosper.

Most spiritual teachers are financially stable because their income comes from their students. When you think about it, it’s the same leech-like relationship between pastors and their congregations or politicians and their constituents. Same animal, different spots.

As an adult, I never experienced homelessness until I “awakened.”

I never experienced that level of anxiety and severe financial distress until I “awakened.” I’ve been in all these spaces with a smile on my heart, a smile on my face, and extreme disappointment lurking around hypothetical corners.

I often ask my Self, “why do you keep falling for it?” I honestly don’t know. But I don’t want anyone to think that the road to Self is a smooth one because it’s not. It’s disappointing, exciting, pretentious, magical, confusing at times, and it will never end. You can’t go back to how things were before, and you’re trying to create a new now, that keeps serving up disappointment after disappointment with love and light sprinkled throughout.

I pray for security daily, but even if I were to get it, what makes my prayers different from the woman living in a shelter or on the street with her children?

At the end of the day, we are all praying to something absent that promises love, peace, stability and happiness. But the odd truth could be that the concept of a God could very well be the reason for the fall of man. I honestly no longer am interested in how I got here, I want to know why and who sent me.