Updated: 5 days ago
“I am” made a promise to “Self” in 2016 that she would never put her in a position where she looses sight of “self” aka Higher “Self”.
This time around; “Self” saw the false “I am” trying to build back up. “Self” has goals that are far from traditional- some may say unacheivable; however that’s what makes my dream, my dream. It’s my vision so it’s my responsibility to see it.
“Self” sees so much greatness inside however there were lessons that “I am” needed to learn before she could get a glimpse of that greatness. One of which, is seeing “Self” from that place of greatness no matter what someone else may see. My struggle isn’t the same as theirs. The “I am” deals with shadows and scars frequently. It’s the reminders of being a human.
“I am” deals with the “should I”, “ shouldn’t I” script that attempts to run in my mind daily and it wasn’t until “Self” asked ”I am” what my choices were... “Self” looked at them, and then asked why didn’t “I am” write down “Self” as a choice?
Why didn’t “I am” include “self” as a choice?
Because “I am” didn’t realize “Self” was an option. Sometimes we are tasked with making decisions that can be so life changing that we don’t even consider our “self” as an option. For example, “I” have two choices .....republican or democratic...religion or spirituality, which one does the “I am” choose? Will she automatically go to a third option? Because ”Self” is an option as well. If someone offers me a little bit of freedom and someone else offers me a little more freedom; how is that better than just choosing “Self” when “I” gno she can offer me complete freedom?
“Self” no longer wants to be in that space where she has to choose which cornerstone she is willing to give away in return for a brick when she can just always choose “Self” to maintain her foundation.
My foundation is based on “self” love, respect, family, independence, joy, peace, freedom, etc and if the “I am” removes one of those stones in exchange for something else; it shifts my foundation. A stone is removed every time the “I am” allows someone to take those things away from me. It’s the metaphysical explanation to feeling “off balance” or “anxious” while in that space. The foreman (aka the tongue) then adds bricks of insecurities, doubts, fears, etc until it builds into a tower.
While “I am” experiences this “journey “ called life, “Self” has to come out of the tower, deconstruct what was built AND balance the cornerstone. That can be generations worth of bricks/stones. The most important one.... my heart.
To have my heartbeat in a different direction literally removed a stoney heart and replaced it with a fleshy one. “Self” only knows this because of a lesson “I am” learned. “I am” had two separate conversations with two separate beings- she left both engagements feeling disrespected and appalled. Not at them, at the “I am” - they are reflections of me. They spoke that way to me because they learned that they could. Again, “Self” asked what my choices were; do “I” get emotional? Do “I” once again demand respect? If “I” engage, if “I” allow it, then “I am” is giving away my foundation for another brick.
Or do “I” choose me? Choosing me involves looking at each situation from a higher perspective, seeing the role “I am“ played, giving/receiving forgiveness and making a decision based on those results and move on.
There was a time where those situations would have went very differently. However, sometimes it’s hard to accept the way someone else may treat you and easier to accept the way you treat your “self”.