The Battle for Now

The other day the ”I” felt so much anxiety and was yearning for change. The ”I” even made a decision not to post any more blogs because it doesn't want to be defined as a “blogger”. The ”I” has so many goals and so many heights that the ”I” wants to reach and the ”I” feels like ”I am” is in some sort of a battle. A battle with the old me vs the new ME. It’s definitely an inner conflict but it has manifested into an outer one as well.

For years the ”I” has dreamt about leaving Richmond and accomplishing an array of different things; from orchestrating the dopest symphony ever seen in modern times to leading my soul group to freedom and independence. Now the ”I am” is faced with an opportunity to head in that direction and the ”I am” is feeling the war more than ever. The old me operated based off the perceptions of others. The ”I” cared so much about what other people thought that it let so many life changing opportunities pass ME by.

In turn, that inner turmoil manifested into arguments with people, second guessing my decisions/actions and what felt like a dark cloud hovering over me. The ”I” had to make sure it always came from a place that wouldn’t upset someone else. It actually thought it could control the way someone else was feeling.

The new me operates off instinct and frequency. The emotions that accompany any situation is not something to be attached to but a tool that can be used for countless things. ”I am” is not attached to emotions so the ”I” definitely can not be attached to the emotions of someone else. Especially negative emotions … The ”I” realized that most of the negative comments and opinions people have to say about someone else is truly a reflection of how they view themselves. It has nothing to do with ME.

That explains the two sides that’s on the battlefield. The side that is winning is not attached to inner turmoil, it is not attached to arguments with other people and it is impossible to second guess anything that the Kingdom brings to me…..especially when the ”I” already saw it coming.

This is a moment in time that the ”I” has seen coming down the pike but due to the old mindset the ”I” never reached for it. Not this time…The ”I” refuses to let my lower ”self” rob me of my nows. The ”I” refuses to allow others misconceptions to be my gps. The ”I” may not have it all figured out but the ”I” gnos ”I am” is on the way.

The battle was fought and my ”Higher Self” won